My New Home!

Last month our apartment lease was up. So we decided to look for a new apartment. We of course turned to Craigslist to find a new home. If you've ever looked for an apartment on Craigslist you have no doubt come across the "too good to be true" apartment ad. If it's not really an offer for you take over somebody else's house payment it's probably a scam.

I hate to admit it, but I actually emailed one these because I just had to see if it's real. Here's the ad title (the original ad was flagged for removal, not surprisingly): $800 / 1br - LARGE DETACHED 2ND FLOOR ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT IN 25th St (Santa Monica, CA)

Below is the text my email exchange with my Future Scamlord:
ME:
Is this available to view today?
If so, where is it located?
Thanks
Penny

SCAMLORD Reply:
Thanks for your email and interest in renting my house..I am Henderson Flatauer,the owner of the house you are making enquiry of…Actually I resided in the house with my family, my wife and my only daughter before and presently we have moved out due to my transfer from my work now in Warsaw,Poland. Presently my house is still available for rent for $800 USD (rent already includes utilities).Moreso Now, i’m currently in West Africa, for an international Christian follower’s crusade.

Pls i want you to note that,i am a kind, honest and trustworthy man and also i spent a lot on my property that i want to give to you for rent,so i will solicit for your absolute maintenance of this house and want you to treat it as your own, It is not the money that is the main problem but i want you to keep it tidy all the time so that i will be glad to see it neat when i come for a check up……….I also want you to let me have trust in you as i always stand on my word.. This is the address of the House: (1217 25th St Santa Monica, CA 90404 )..

It has a Lovely home in a nice Laguna neighbourhood. is known for excellent schools. Conveniently located with nearby shopping centers, hospitals, free ways and public transportation. This is a must see. Amenities W/D Hookups Central Heat & A/C Granite Tiled Fireplace Ceiling Fans Vaulted Ceilings Cable Available Broadband Available
Custom Drapes in Living Room, Dining Room, & Master Bedroom Blinds

SO IF YOU ARE REALLY INTERESTED I WILL WANT YOU TO FILL THE
RENT APPLICATION FORM BELOW

RENT APPLICATION FORM.
FIRST NAME:__________?
MIDDLE NAME:__________?
LAST NAME:__________?
PROFESSION:__________?
PHONE:
(CELL)PHONE__________?
(WORK)PHONE__________?
(HOME)PHONE__________?
KIDS _____ (YES/NO), HOW MANY ________
PRESENT ADDRESS: _____________________
CITY: _______________
STATE:______________
ZIP CODE: ____________
HOW LONG? ___________IF RENTING
CITIZEN OF WHICH COUNTRY _____________?
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING__________?
IF THIS HOUSE IS BEING GIVEN TO YOU,
HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND STAYING? ____________?
WHEN DO YOU INTEND MOVING IN? ______________?
IF YOU HAVE A PET,
NAME OF PET: _____________?
KIND OF PETS: _____________?
HABITS
DO YOU SMOKE ______________ ?
DO YOU DRINK ______________?
DO YOU WORK LATE NIGHT? ____?

Looking forward to hearing from you with all this details so that i can have it in my file incase of issuing the receipt for you and contacting you…Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the document and the keys to you,please we are giving you all this based on trust and again i will want you to stick to your words,you know that we have not seen yet and only putting everything into God hands,so please do not let us down in this our property and God bless you more as you do this…
Thank and God bless you ………….

ME :

Dear Mr Samantha (I use the name on the email address, completely ignoring his actual name)
Thanks for your response. I have filled out the application below. Please note I am not using my real name as my WITSEC agent has advised me not to.
But the information below is as accurate as I can get for now.
I really like this place. Had my boys scout it out last night.
If you like I can have my West Africa connections deliver an entire years rent to you in US cash (small untraceable bills, of course) to the mission where you are.
I really admire that you are doing that by the way.

Please let me know where you are... so I know where to find you if you screw me over... hahaha... just kidding.

Thanks and God bless you too.

RENT APPLICATION FORM.
FIRST NAME: Penny
MIDDLE NAME: Capone
LAST NAME: Fussell
PROFESSION: Casual Pharmaceuticals
PHONE:
(CELL)PHONE: Only have a disposable one at the moment: you can use 310-272-2540 (CRACK-H0) for the next 48 hours. Or text: "KILO" to NDAFX(63239) and I will hit you right back.
(WORK)PHONE: see above
(HOME)PHONE: see above
KIDS yes (YES/NO), HOW MANY: 6
PRESENT ADDRESS: unable to disclose due to the terms of my deal with the Feds.
CITY: _______________
STATE:______________
ZIP CODE: ____________
HOW LONG? ___________IF RENTING
CITIZEN OF WHICH COUNTRY: USA by way Sicily
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING: I think the guys I rolled on are on to me.
IF THIS HOUSE IS BEING GIVEN TO YOU,
HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND STAYING? Just laying low until things blow over.
WHEN DO YOU INTEND MOVING IN? Right after I testify in Federal Court
IF YOU HAVE A PET,
NAME OF PET: Killer
KIND OF PETS: Pitbull French Poodle Mix
HABITS
DO YOU SMOKE well, not cigarettes if that's what you're asking
DO YOU DRINK hell yeah!
DO YOU WORK LATE NIGHT? Well I work ALL night, so sure.

At this point I figured they would know I was on to them. I didn't expect a reply. But lo and behold...

SCAMLORD reply:
Thanks for getting back to me with the Rent Application Form. I just wanted to let you know that we have decided to let you live in our house. As we have found your application very satisfactory and acceptable by my family. So we would want you to go through this email and get back to us on what you feel so we could proceed in renting the house to you.We would like to send the following documents and keys to you via Dhl to the address you sent to us and the tracking number will be sent to you so that you can possibly occupy our house, Please once again, we are giving you this on trust and do not dissapoint us and i promise you that, you will love the house so we are with the below document and keys here with us.. You will need to make Payment for the first ($985) to enable shipment of the Keys and document to the address you have to provide to us, after which you could move in at your convenience. The rent starts counting when you move in, so you could go ahead with the payment straight away to make things faster….Here are the contents of the document that needs to be sent.after the first month deposit of ($985) i will have to send you the lease agreement form so that you can sign for prove and send back to me asap.

1) Entrance and the rooms Keys
2) Paper/Permanent house form
3) The house document file.
4) Full Description of the house
5) Payment Receipt

The house is available for rent at the moment so you are free to move in as soon as you wish to…………A Deposit of $985 (which happens to be the first months rent) is required before moving in…Feel free to call me for more information and arrangements on how to get the keys and other necessary documents delivered to you…..my number is (+2347085806071) or (+0112347085806071).The house will be available for rent for a period of 4 years so you have a choice of deciding how long you intend staying there..

All i need now is for you to make the first month deposit of ($985) so that the keys and documents can be send to the address you send to me in your rent applications form, so get back to me asap and let me know if i should forward you the information on how you will be making the payment via western union.

Some people do not know when they are being punked. He even included pictures of my new home.






















I move in a week after hell freezes over.

Quiet Time

A read an essay a few weeks back by Bex, one of the Splits59 Captains. It was about how she spent time at a silent retreat. I was envious. Often there are certain Bible verses that come to my mind and resonate for days or even months at a time. And the one that had been coming to me was "Be still and know that I am God."

I wanted that stillness. With all the madness that seems to be going on in my life right now I can hardly find a quiet moment let alone actually calm myself down enough to turn off my thoughts and listen for God. And with the verse reverberating in my head, clearly that was what God wanted me to do.

I got up early two Saturday's ago and went to my 6 am yoga class. I love early morning yoga. It feels wonderful. It's invigorating and soothing at the same time. Dan, our teacher, asked us to set an "intention" for the class as he always does. I decided to dedicate the class to God... whatever that meant. But to be honest it didn't feel all that different from any other class.

So on the way back home from class I started thinking about Bex's article again. Maybe I needed a silent retreat. A getaway. Well, that's not going to happen. But maybe just a mini retreat. If I could "be still" in the head for just five minutes that would be an accomplishment. I was driving north on the 405 wishing I had taken the coast home because then I could have stopped and sat on the beach to wait for God. I thought maybe I will get off an exit or two early and find a park to go and pray. Or maybe I could... And then I saw them.

The rows of white stone tablets laid out like thousands of "Ten Commandment" stones on a rolling carpet of fresh cut grass. Los Angeles National Cemetery. Before I knew it I was pulling off the freeway and doubling back to the main gate. Surely THIS was a place I could find peace and quiet. I wasn't likely to disturb the residents nor they me. And who knows, maybe they'd enjoy the company.

And so I went and sat. I tried to quiet my mind but I wasn't all that successful. So I just looked around. A handful of birds sang chased each other gleefully in and out of the branches of a large tree. The breeze was cool and gentle. The sun was warm but since it was still early it had not gotten too hot. I watched the birds and wondered if they were sparrows... I wanted them to be but I'm not a bird watcher. Still they made me think of that old hymn "His Eye is on the Sparrow."

Since I couldn't shut up I talked to God. I told Him I wanted to hear Him but I couldn't seem to shut my thoughts down. I felt like a failure.

Up to that point I had been sitting on a large concrete stage with a bench built in to it. I suddenly felt the desire (or perhaps it was a direction) to "touch the grass" ... put my feet in it or sit on it. And so I went to the bottom step and let my feet rest in the cool green carpet. I looked up at the birds soaring as they were ordained by God to do. And then I looked down at the grass. A tiny black beetle was working his way through the amazon lawn. I wondered if mine were the only human eyes who would ever "see" him in his short beetle life. I wondered if one of those birds would spot him with their keen eyes after I left and swoop down and make a meal of him. Tragedy.

I looked out at the headstones. The fallen. Soldiers. Heros. Men. Children really... weren't they all regardless of age really just children? Not all of them lived full lives. Many never saw their dreams come true. Most lived lives cut too short. Some had faith, some had none. But they did what they had to do. They rose to the occasion. They knew fear. They knew courage. They are proof that time is not the promise. I grieved for their lost chances; for their lost days. And then I heard it. Not literally "heard" but a thought that presented itself powerfully... the way a man of great import does when he enters the room. Not thunderous but with a profound presence.

"I watched over each and every one of them."

And that was all I needed. I wept. Because suddenly it became clear to me. I didn't need to quiet my mind. I needed to be still. As still as the dead. And know that God is God. He is not time. Not dreams come true. Not promises of a long full life. Not children. Not lovers. Not success in business or bills paid. He is not even battles lost or wars won. He is God.

And it doesn't matter if I am silent or not. Or even if I am still or not. If I do not obey God He does not become less Godly. If I do obey Him he does not become more Godly. If become a great writer or remain unknown... God is still there. He is still watching over me. He still loves me. With all my worries. My work stress. My desire to have children. My fears over bills and money. It is all of concern to Him and yet in the end none of it matters.

Ultimately there is only God. And He is watching me tenderly and desiring to help me in all those things if I would only let him. But there must have been some doubt in me that He was paying attention. I must not have gotten that on some level. Maybe I still don't. But I think it is making more sense now.

I may fail myself. I may fail God. But God does not fail. He watches intently. He is at the ready. Even if I die with work unfinished. He is there. Perhaps this thought could make me lazy. But it could also give me new strength. For all the glory then ultimately goes to Him as it should. And as long as I am mindful of His loving eyes I can feel safe. I may not know where I am or where I'm going but I am never lost. Sparrow, finch, robin or the tiny beetle they feed upon... who ever I am, I am never out of His sight.

1. "Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
   And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
   Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Too Wordy

I've often been accused of being too wordy when I write. Maybe it's a result of repressing myself so often. It just all spills out all over the place. An uncontrollable eruption.

But do I really say anything?

So tonight I think I will just meditate on what exactly I have to say.

You Thought I Was Kidding

I was totally not kidding when I named this blog. I put up this blog page on June 25th and I'm finally putting up my first post. I feel uncomfortable. I'm not writing about infertility so I hardly know what to say.

But I have to WRITE. It's what I'm supposed to do. I've known since I was a kid that God made me to be a writer. When I was young I wrote all the time. I was pretty good. I mean for a kid my age. I got better as I got older. But I kept it quiet. I didn't read anything I'd written in public until my 30th birthday. I got an incredibly positive reception. Which of course scared the living crap out of me.

So many things had happened before that point. Like the poem I wrote the day my grandfather died. I showed it to an uncle whose only response to was to correct my spelling. Then there was my first love who I wrote tons of poetry for... poured out my soul... stroked is ego ("you know you're good when they write you poetry" he said) and still got dumped when his other girlfriend (What! Whoah, what?!) got knocked up. Or the guy I dated when I first moved to California. He wrote me poetry... beautiful poetry he could recite by heart. But I didn't love him. So when he begged me I wrote a poem for him (an extremely conflicted love poem, admittedly). He called the poem selfish. Said it was about him but for me. (Uh, yeah so?) Told me all of my writing was selfish. Hurt me so bad I stopped writing for almost two years. But it turned out I dumped the wrong lover. I should have dumped him instead. I later learned that the beautiful love poems he'd written me were word for word plagiarism of songs by John and Vangelis... no wonder the little shit could recite them from memory. Music makes one hell of a mnemonic device.

I started writing again after that. But I don't think I've completely recovered from the two year separation from my true love... my true self.

I don't know. Maybe that's just an excuse. Maybe it's all crap. Maybe I'm just a coward.

I have a lot of problems. Loads of debt. I'm 42. I want a baby. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years. Infertility is a bitch and we're running out of time for biological parenthood. I mean I can live with it either way... but my heart aches. I pray for answers. But all God ever tells me is: WRITE.

I have to have faith in that. But it just seems too simple. Too easy. Too impossible. Still. WRITE. I mean it's God talking. I know that. I REALLY know that. But I am petrified.

My friend Carmen, her boyfriend Kerry, my husband Michael and I are starting a think tank. The four of us are all in our late 30's, early 40's and totally dissatisfied with our lives. We are however, friggin' geniuses. We're all talented, creative and passionate. And we want more from our lives. But we've also been guilty of procrastination, laziness, bad decisions and fear at one time or another.

We had our first preliminary meeting to discuss the purpose of the group. Kerry posed a very interesting question. What would you do if someone came to you and offered to invest $100K in you? The catch is you can't spend it on anything personal and you do eventually have to pay it back. So how do you use that money to make money to achieve your dreams? The whole idea of the question is make you put together a business plan for your dreams. Something most people never do. Something I never even thought to do.

I have to say, it stumped me. But this morning as I was brushing my teeth I suddenly knew what I'd have to do with the money. I'd have to finish one of those novels that I started but never finished. I'd have to self-publish it for real (not just on Blurb.com like my other book). I'd have to put together a real marketing plan. Sell it to book stores. Set up my own book tours. Really market myself. Rain down a storm of letters to publishers and agents. But here's the key... the whole marketing plan only works if I do One Key Thing first...Want to guess what that is?

See why I'm petrified?